Monday, March 14, 2011

Movie Monday

Okay so as you may or may not recall last week or so I was watching 3 teenagers while their parents went on a lovely cruise to the warm area known as Mexico. Meanwhile I was stuck in Kansas with our last minute snow and ice storm. Lovely no? So there I was stuck in Kansas with snow and ice and 3 bored beyond belief teenagers with no school. What was a girl to do? Well I hosted a Zombie Movie Marathon I did b/c hey none of them had ever seen the Resident Evil movies. So thus began our introduction to the wonderful world of Alice and well Resdient Evil.

First up was the first movie (duh!) and still to this day my favorite of the Resident Evil movies. This movie introduces us to the umbrella corporation in raccoon city which is an underground city. In the opening sequence we see a bustling city and someone breaking a container. In the next few minutes the city goes haywire and everyone there is killed. Flash forward to the lovely Milla Jovoich naked in the shower unsure of how she got there or where there is. From there we have secret police with Michelle Rodriguez involved, we have two people with memory losses and of course we have to go into the Raccoon City to figure out just what in the hell happened down there. Insert creepy music.

In the mist of all of this I had to explain to the lovely people watching that no it was not zombies yet b/c to have zombies one must have dead people, which by this point we do. But, one must also bring back said dead people in order to get some serious zombie action happening. And when one kills the homicidal computer who speaks with a British accent that is keeping all the dead people dead well you can figure out that they will come back. Which they did in droves. 

Now those of you who haven't seen a zombie movie can figure out where this leads I hope but just in case you have to know that Michelle Rodriquez is in the movie and when she is in a movie she always dies so those in favor of this messed up actress I'm sorry but everyone knows that she has 2 things going against her. First she is a minority no minorities ever live through a zombie/horror movie (hence the black guy was the first to go) Second she is Michelle Rodriquez and well she never makes it through any movie alive... just saying. Okay so the only people to make it out is one Milla HELLO SHE'S LIKE IN EVERY MOVIE AFTER THIS ONE YOU CAN TELL THAT BY THE POSTERS and 2 well I'll leave that as a surprise. It does tie into crappy movie 2.

So my rating: B not the best but still the best of this series

Alright movie number dos or 2 for those of you who can't read Spanish... This was by far my least favorite movie it made no blooming sense and has no true value to the whole arc of a story line they have going other than Umbrella being the stupid corporation they were sent in a science team at the end of movie one and well unleashed the virus to the surface. So now we have Milla AKA Alice waking up in a hospital and stepping outside only to see a city in disaster because the dead have starting coming back. Alice meets up with some rag tag group a black guy (whom has already been bitten) a rough around the edges trying to be the next Alice chick whom I dislike with a passion and hoped beyond hoped she would be bitten, and a Asian news reporter (again don't get attached she dies). They are trying to get out of the city when a British man offers them the way out if and only if they will find his daughter and rescue her. 

So they agree only to meet up with the sexy Oded Fehr HOLY CRAP totally worth it to watch whew he's SWAT baby which means big gun. Anywho his team was trapped AKA left behind by the company when he tried to help a woman. So he is also contacted by said British man. But the corporation knows what's going on and has purposely set them all up b/c they want Alice to meet Nemesis (important b/c this is the survivor of movie 1 people keep up) Okay so during this time we also hook up with funny man Mike Epps and even though he is black he does make it to round 3. Alright so Alice and Nemesis go after it but to know the ending one must watch it I refuse to give away the winner. However, if you are smart you have already figured it out.

The crew manages to escape with little girl in tow no British guy though so be aware only to crash land the plane and Alice is captured. Next time we see her she is in a bubble and naked (come on its Milla of course she has to be naked!!!) Anywho once the bubble breaks we have a daring rescue involving none other than Oded WHEW!!!!

Rating: D there is really no point to this movie other than Oded so yeah not a favorite.

And we have moved on to movie 3 which will pysch you out at first b/c Alice wakes up in the shower again and you start wondering WTH?!?!?! Then you realize that she is dying in the hospital and her body is being dumped in a pile of Alices' which was a little strange. Then the explaination comes the virus has spread around the world PEPS yep watch out the zombies are everywhere. And those few humans alive well their just mean or well Milla kills them as she does with a Whiskey Tango bunch that tries to rape her. Needless to say I could've told ya that wasn't going to work out in your favor but hey we all must learn the hard way no?

This movie is scattered Alice is a loner and hooks up with Oded and Ali Larter (HEROES people Heroes) anywho hooks up wiht her character to help a rag tag bunch of humans trying to live. Mike is still alive but have no fear those of you who know of the minority game in horror movies neither he nor Oded (God rest his soul) live through this movie *headdesk* COME ON HOLLYWOOD Its ok for someone who isn't white to live through horror I promise!!!! Anyway its a trap Umbrella is trying to find Alice and knows where she is heading so Alice knocks on their door. The computers tells Alice she is the key for refusing the curse but she must defeat the evil doctor who kidnapped her in the last 2 movies and has injected himself with the virus in order to do so.

Fast forward and you figured out the winner b/c low and behold there is a 4th movie. The catch we discover that there is a GILLIZION Alices in bubbles and she decides to bring them all back to life watch out now!!!

Rating: B I did enjoy this one I Hated what happened to the men but I did like Ali's character and I liked the action go 3rd movie!!

Alright we have reached the final Resident Evil movie and the only one I hadn't seen before which was nice. This one had a few OH CRAP moments and a few duck your head but mainly b/c it was 3D no the kiddies and I didn't watch it that way but it still had some pop out and scare you moments. This one starts off with Alice and her clones attacking all of the underground cities. In the last city she is given the virus cure and becomes human again. Then she heads to Alaska where she left the last group of kids she rescued AKA Ali's group to see what happened to them.

Only to end up in LA in a  prison with people who hid out there hoping to find the place Ali took the kids too. Turns out it is a boat and now that the plane won't go again its up to Alice to get all the people to the safety of the boat. Problem they have a prisoner who is Wentworth Miller who is fine y'all just saying and second problem they are surrounded by MILLIONS of zombies and one pissed of mutated freak of a zombie. Add to it the zombies are getting smarter like 28 days later zombies so they are grouping together and digging through sewer to get food ect. Fast forward to fighting zombies a freaky shower scene and well you get to where the only ones alive are Milla, Ali and Wentworth on the boat to find out it is an umbrella corporation boat looking for victims to test on and the bad guy in the beginning is back and nasty might I add.

The ending had a twist which means another movie is on the way.

Final grade: C I wasn't impressed but I did flinch and scream at parts. I will watch the next one but won't pay money for it.

So how about you have you seen these movies? Do you agree?

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