Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Father's Day

On Sunday was Father's Day and for the first time it hit home good on how special that day is. You see my Earthly father passed away 7 years ago this December. He was a good man, a strong man, a kind man, who loved his wife and daughter. He did everything he could to show us his love and although sometimes it didn't come out as well as he planned I never doubted for a moment that he loved me.

My heart still aches and sometimes I sit down and think how much Dad would've loved that story. When I got married I wondered if Dad would've approved of him, what would he had said about the cost, or the stress. If Dad had been there would he have like him? Then when I went through my divorce I wondered what he would've said to me. I know it would've started with "Babygirl if it hurts cry. Sometimes the only way to make the stop hurting is to let it out." I also know he would have threatened and glared at the boy who broke his little girl's heart.

But then I wonder if he would have been happy that even though it ended badly it was the one event that brought me closer to my Heavenly Father. You know when I got married to a man that God did not have planned for me I lost out on a lot of things. I missed those tender moments that a true blessing from God would've had. I missed those moments when we could've prayed together, talked through things with God, found strength and comfort in his arms. Instead we tore each other to shreads, made each other hurt and worse tried to destroy each other's spirits.

Is that something my Dad would have been proud of? How would he have told me to stop? Would I have listened? Thinking on all those things then made me wonder what my Heavenly Faher was thinking when things were occuring. Did he wonder why I would say such things? Did he wonder why I had married a man he didn't approve of? But I never doubt that he wasn't there holding my hand and catching my tears when it ended. I never for a moment wondered if he was glad at the pain that I went through because it wasn't the man I was suppose to be with.

And yet I wonder if he was happy that finally one of his lost sheep found her way back home to him.

Everyday I miss my dad but I remember that I will see him once again and when I do he will be there with open arms waiting for his little girl. And behind him will be my Heavenly Father waiting with his arms opening for his little girl to come home.

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